Choices

One of my readers made the comment that by choosing to stay (in other words, doing nothing), is a choice. That person was absolutely right!

It's about choices we make, isn't it? I have a choice to leave. He has a choice to leave. Looking back on all these years, I've contemplated lots of choices and "justified" my choices in various ways. Here's a glimpse of some of the choices I've contemplated over the years. There were probably many more variations of this, but you get the idea.

The Staying for A Child Choice: This one is huge. I know first-hand what it's like to stay in a marriage because of children so I understand any reasons he may give for staying now that are related to his kids.

The Time Limit Choice: I'll give him __ (fill in the blank) number of months to move out of his house and if he doesn't, I'll let him go. This one I always did in my mind; never told him out loud.

The "I'm afraid of losing him" Choice: I cannot imagine my life without him. Period.

The "Because I Love Him, I'll Let Him Go" Choice: The best thing I can do for him is to love him enough to let him go.

The "Because I Love Myself, I'll Let Him Go" Choice: The best thing I can do for myself is to let him go--to love myself enough to let him go. I deserve someone who loves me fully. I haven't acted on this choice but I understand it.

The "Let's Be Friends" Choice: Since we are so important to each other, we can just be friends until he moves out. That way no one gets hurt.

The Being There For Him When He Needs Me Choice: He was there for me during the beginning of our relationship when I needed someone for support. Now it's my turn to be there for him so I'll hang in there a bit longer.

The "His Wife Has to Know About Me" Choice: After all this time, his wife has to know, so this really isn't a lie to anyone.

The "I Love Him Probably Precisely for the Same Reasons His Wife Married Him" Choice: There are great qualities in this man which must have attracted his wife to him in the first place so it's understandable that I fell in love with him, too. Maybe that's why she stays... This one gets me if I ponder it for too long.

The "When I Make an Important Decision, I Make It For Good" Choice: I am not the kind of person to threaten ultimatums and never give my MM any. So if I'm going to let him go (or) give him a timeline, I'd better be sure I mean it.

The "Jesus and God Wouldn't Judge Us" Choice: Jesus was forgiving, even to prostitutes, so there's no reason to think God won't forgive us, too.

The "Most important thing is love" Choice: The Bible says that the most important commandment is love so I stay.

The "We Are Going to Beat the Statistics" choice: I don't care what the statistics say! We are in love and he will leave his wife and we will have a happy life together. We'll show the world that not all affairs fit the stereotype.

The "You've Got to Be A Fool To Be Here This Long!" Choice: This is one that I've sometimes thought but never acted on.

The Since His Marriage is Lousy & His Wife Knows He Wants Out, We're Not Hurting Anyone Choice: He says he's told his wife he wants out, and is living under the same roof for various personal reasons. So there's no deception and no one gets hurt. Since my intention is not to hurt anyone, I stay.

The "Let's Not Be Hasty" Choice: I wouldn't want to do something I will later regret, so if I'm having doubts and I'm unsure about whether to let him go, I'll just wait and see. The answer will come to me later.

The "I Know Plenty of Couples Who Live In the Same Household & Aren't Sleeping Together" Choice: I know exactly first-hand that there are couples that live together for years and aren't intimate so I understand his situation. I lived it and know several other women who are living it now, too. So I believe him and I'll wait.

The "What If I Were to Date Someone Else?" Choice: I wonder how he'd react if I dated someone else? I wonder but never make this choice a reality.

The "How Do I Feel?" Choice: If I am feeling sad and upset about our relationship, then it's time to let him go. But if the majority of our relationship is great, fun and loving, then it's worth keeping, so I stay.

Aw, yes, the choices we make (or not). Life is a choice indeed.