It has been 3 months since I lasted posted here. I can't believe it's been that long. I went back and saw that several people had commented on my posts so I now approved them all for posting--sorry for the delay! (I think I'll just change my settings so that I don't have to approve them in the future.)
Funny thing: 3 months go by but they are nothing in terms of the time I've been with my MM. I read others' comments about "wasting my time," and how I have low self-esteem issues: that the reason people stay in these situations is because of their low self-worth. That may be. I don't consider myself to be less than others; I know that I am good enough; that I deserve love; that I am worthy....I know all of this intellectually. Perhaps it's my heart and soul that don't believe it?
I do know that I have total control and can just decide to go. Yet I am here. I know that I am afraid. What am I afraid of? I am not afraid of being alone, so it's not that. I don't feel that I have to have a man on my arm to be worthy.
I've wondered if it's just easier for me to continue with this relationship because I don't have to be 100% "on" with my MM as he isn't here with me all the time. Perhaps I'm afraid of what a real relationship would be like: one where I'm adored, respected and honored and where I'd do the same to him; a relationship where I am free to be me; one where I'd be expected to give of myself wholly and he to me; one where I am truly intimately involved in the day-to-day "stuff" that comes with being in a real relationship. Am I afraid of true intimacy? Maybe it's that.
The past few months have been busy for me and I've found myself getting mad at my MM more often than usual. It's an anger that boils like the bubbles coming to the surface of the teapot, right before it whistles...an anger that is suppressed, but as the time goes by, it grows in momentum--until it explodes when my MM does or says something that is a reminder that he is indeed a MM; that I am not his #1 priority.
I got angry when he
- constantly checked his watch as we were enjoying a long dinner
- responded in a very usual, normal way that he had gone to a movie with "his family," (which meant that his wife went with them)
- purposefully refrained from putting his arm around me in photos on separate professional situations in which we were involved (yet he very quickly puts it around others involved-as he is a 'touchy' guy)
- defended his "non-touching" for those photos as "it's business"
- questions who I've told about us
- gets upset because I've told people about us!
I'm going on an extended trip away in a few days. I'll be gone for about a month so it will give me some time away from my MM. I think it will be good for me. I'm going to use this time to take a break from all this madness: literally.
14 comments:
Your relationship is real. You need to talk about your relationship (to others) to make and keep it real. Cheers, Terry
As the other woman, you must know what pain you are causing his wife and her children.
I was that wife. Even though we are divorced (I immediately dumped him as I had enough of his maltreatment for years), it still hurts.
My youngest two children will not speak to their father if they can avoid it. They see him as the cause of the divorce, not the other woman, not me.
I worked hard for this marriage of 28 years only to see the investment trashed by the other woman just as the light at the end of the tunnel was in sight. We were approaching retirement, our youngest children were reaching adulthood, and we had ideas of returning to our honeymoon period along with traveling and exploring new options.
But he was looking for better things than he had. He wanted riches, power, prestige, and forgot he also wanted a wife and family that loved him.
The other woman had a family with money and power. She was an artist who felt infidelity was acceptable in her field.
I was someone who didn't matter. I was also my husband's third wife, and thus mattered even less in her eyes. Her behavior included calling my house several times a day, sometimes nonstop, until he would answer the phone. Her calls continued despite warnings. They started at 8 a.m. and continued until midnight. They continued even when he was not home. The constant ringing was upsetting.
Now she is living with him and showing up at my social gatherings. My children are invited to their house and at this time only one still refuses. My former in-laws invite him to their weddings and publish photos on the internet. Some include my oldest daughter in the photos along with the other woman.
My problem is not dealing with the divorce, but in this overlapping of their lives with mine. It would not be so painful if they lived in a different town or if their socials did not involve me and my grown children. So it hurts.
I hope for karma to make this right or at least negate this. And, you, The Other Woman, will someday face karma, too.
It really appears that you deserve better than living this way.
I have sympathy for you - though I do not know what you are going through.
It's interesting to have a different perspective of this issue because tow is often vilified. But I guess even for tow, there are feelings & emotions there, which they need to handle including love, guilt, anger, etc. Not easy as we are all humans with our own weaknesses.
I have sympathy for you. You have made a mistake but your are more than capable of moving on.
Are you STRONG enough to LEAVE your married man?
DONT TELL US but please SHOW US!
Your next blog should be I AM FREE!
MOVE ON and use this experience to your advantage!
You can write a book about your journey or you can help other women (females) who are in the same situation as you are. Be creative. But before you do that you must FREE YOURSELF FIRST.
Imagine how good you will feel knowing that you have helped free trapped souls into freedom.
If you think of it its almost like you are trapped but no one can release expect YOU.
You will look back and wounder why you did not leave your married man sooner.
This man is preventing you from moving forward and enjoying your life.
He obviously does not want the best for you, he is in it for HIMSELF.
HE IS A USER AND AN ABUSER. Yes he is. You may not see him this way now but you will once you let him GO.
In my eyes this man is an "abuser". Yes I said ABUSER. He is abusing your heart, freedom, feelings, mind, youth, etc AND HE IS ALSO abusing his WIFES TRUST.
If you want to find your true love you must let this man go otherwise you will grow old and miserable and alone.
Sorry I know it sounds harsh but it could be you.
A lady I know spend 25 years with her married man! TWENTY FIVE YEARS. Can you image that? Her life is gone now she is 60 years old now crying and dwelling on her mistakes.
DO YOU WANT TO BE HER?
If you dont let go now your life could be ONE BIG TRAGEDY.
Why are you holding on to a PENNY when GOD wants to release ONE MILLION DOLLARS?
It's up to you know. If you dont do it now it will get harder and harder.
I suggest an ACTION PLAN!
Take a picture of yourself and put a date at the bottom of the picture.
For example August 5th 2009. "My day of Freedom".
Print it out and place it on your wall.
Everytime you look at it declare to yourself that you are FREE FROM THIS MAN.
Do this daily and it will become a habit. A positive habit and you will want to let go.
If you go back to your man, keep that picture on your wall or wallet and remind yourself that you could have been FREE by now.
If you dont go back to him even better. Rejoice and Celebrate the day of your freedom every month!
Go out and buy yourself something special and IMAGINE YOURSELF 8 years from now. Totally FREE FROM HIM.
That year will be 2017. Do you really want to be with your married man in 2017? Alone at home while he is kissing his wife at midnight?
Dont go with your feelings but go with what you know.
And you already know the truth. Pray to god, ask the lord for forgivness and healing. And remember this is NOT your fault. Its his fault. He dragged you into this misery and now he dosent want to let you go. That is unfair to you in so many ways.
What if the tables were turned and you did it to him? How would he feel? What would he feel if he was the other man and you used him for a good time while feeding him lies? Would he stick around for 8YEARS?
NO i am very sure that he wouldnt.
Envision yourself happy and in love. Imagine how lonely and left out he will feel. Then you will have the last laugh. He tortured you for years now turn the tables around and torture him. How? By walking away forever.
yes he may love you but not the way you want him to.
He is using you as a sex object. He knows he can have you anytime he wants.You are on his speed dial. He is definitely a low life. Dont sink to his level.
Walk away for good this time. Enough going back.
write him a LETTER OF TERMINATION. send it to his email and keep a copy for yourself.
Everytime you walk in and out of the room look at the letter on the wall and remind yourself that it is INDEED OVER! whether he likes it or not.
A couple of months later let him know that you are happy and in love with a good loving man.
A goodbye letter may help you very very much in letting go.
He won't like it but this is not about him it is about you.
Remind yourself why you are letting him go and move on with your life. Give yourself time to heal and forgive him. Yes it will be very hard to forgive but this is the only way you are going to let go and move on with your life. If you dont forgive him you will always have bitterness inside of you towards this man and this anger will dragg you down.
Even though he did you wrong forgive him for your sake not his! Read the goodbye letter everyday and be proud of yourself for letting go. It is a big achievement. You dont have to let go but you choose to because you deserve so much better and you will do better. Imagine yourself one or two years from now happy and whole. See yourself as a victor and not a victim. See yourself with another loving man and not him. It will take time to get over him but in a year or so you should be completely over him. Good Luck.
You have NO idea how MUCH pain you are causing wife and, if any, children. Someone like you walked into my life three years ago. While she helped clear our marriage of all the false pretenses and problems by revealing the problems, it left me with the deepest of wounds. I struggle each day to forgive her for the heartache, pain, and destruction she caused (understanding, of course, my husband is too blame, too - but, he has made reparations).
I can also tell you that the MM doesn't really care about you. He is just confused and having issues and you are a quick illusory withdraw from the real things he needs to deal with in his life. When my husband and I talk about it now, he tells me how he would lay in bed with her and miss me. How she was just a means to escape from the things he didn't want to face. Regret and pain is all that came of the relationship. Most men feel the same way at the end of the day. My husband also said that he'd let her fantasize about him leaving me, never correcting her, but NEVER having the intention of leaving. Catch a clue.
If you love him, move out of the way and let him deal with the life issues he needs to deal with. You have serious issues to deal with, too. Put yourself in the wife's shoes and do what is right.
You are a moron. I think the only other person on here as idiotic as you, is Terry..."Your relationship is real. You need to talk about your relationship (to others) to make and keep it real." What ridiculous advice. Sounds like a way to rationalize and justify.
You know the guy is married, and yet you are going forward with this? That is INCREDIBLY SELFISH and hurtful to his wife. You deserve no sympathy. Pull your head out of your ass, stop playing victim, and move on. Hopefully, someday when you are in a monogamous relationship with your own man, he'll cheat on you. That way, you will be on the receiving end of the same pain that you are causing now.
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