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Constructive criticism for this short essay?

Finding Self
“All the world is a stage, and all the men and women merely players. They have their exits and entrances; each man in his time plays many parts.” Those words were penned nearly five hundred years ago by the playwright William Shakespeare, yet the message expressed in them still endures in today’s world. We each enact a variety of roles throughout our life, but unlike actors, we are not always given the choice in the parts we play. Daughter, sister, friend, scholar, and athlete are only a number of the assorted roles I currently portray. The above mentioned roles however, are bequeathed to me, they are not necessarily the ones I would choose for myself. I am much more than someone’s shoulder to cry on, a varsity cross country runner, and a straight “A“ student. I am a hopeless romantic, a harmonious individual, and an unyielding force when it comes to my convictions.
Hans Christen Andersen fabricated a fairy tale based upon it. Black Sabbath sang a song about it. Doc Brown from Back to the Future did it, as did Captain Kirk from Star Trek. What was it they did? They time traveled. If I could have but one wish, it would be to defy the fourth dimension of our universe and meander through history. There are many moments when I feel that I was born into the wrong century. It is not that I do not appreciate the luxuries of the modern world, I do; heaven only knows how I would function without my laptop and music system. Then however, there are instances when I honestly believe that I could give all of it up for a world filled with elegantly dressed women, and courteous, refined men. To a great extent, I am a hopeless romantic at heart. Put simply, I do believe in true love and fairy tales. I am an idealist, a sentimental dreamer, and a imaginative, fanciful person. The things I read and the movies I watch greatly reflect this. Jane Austen’s works particularly fascinate me. All of her novels generally conclude with the heroine finding her hero and marrying him. Her characters: Elizabeth Bennet and Fitzwilliam Darcy, Emma Woodhouse and George Knightley, Marianne Dashwood and Christopher Brandon, all seem to have been created for each other. In a world full of Facebook hookups, and text message break-ups it is nice to imagine that one person out of the six billion on this planet is sculpted just for us. Nicholas Sparks also plays heavily on the idea of an everlasting romance. In the 2004 film The Notebook, based upon his novel, two young lovers are separated for years because of their social differences, but then reunite later in life thanks to a chance article in the local newspaper. Today, we live in a cynical world, full of scientists and their explanations. The worlds of both Jane Austen’s and Nicholas Spark’s characters were much different. Their eras were full of galas and ornate houses, or small town ice cream socials, and late night dances down by the river. During their eras, there was no scientific data to disprove the existence of miracles. I do believe in miracles, no matter how miniscule or life changing they are. To quote George Sand, a French writer, “there is but one happiness in this life, to love and be loved.”
Although my head is often in the clouds, spinning with dreams of fairy tales and Prince Charming, many times I am surprised by my composure in every situation. I am the person friends turn to when they are in need of advice. I am the person whom parents entrust their children’s safety to . Most importantly of all, I am a peacemaker. The one thing I detest more than anything is violence. Contact sports? Not my thing. Fights in the hallways? I turn and walk quickly in the opposite direction. Intense, gory movies? I cringe. The list goes on and on. It is my belief that we are all in the same boat, and we need this boat to get wherever it is that we are going. It is a good boat. There is no need to rock it just to show that we can. As we mature, each of us discovers our own unique talents. This year, I have uncovered one of mine. I work well under stress. In fact, I thrive when placed under a time constraint or deadline. My first period class, Advanced Placement World History, is a prime example of this. Essays are the basis for the class, and more often than not, they are timed. We are typically given ten minutes to plan. Those brief seconds are crucial, they essentially make or break an essay. I love those anxious, nerve wracking moments. The rush I get is indescribable. Classmates rapidly fire questions at me, and I calmly, thoroughly answer each in turn. Then, just like that, the stress is gone and so is my surge of adrenaline. Those brief moments however, are enough to make me realize how well I cope with pressure.
Coping with pressure has proved to be a valuable trait both in the classroom and out. People change; this I learned the hard way. Individuals I have looked up to in previous years have lost all my respect. The decisions they have mad

Tell me what you Think of my TV script! 10 points! Critisism welcome!?

I’m 14, what do you think?
JAMES FLETCHER: The leader of the team. He is a good looking man mid thirties. He is tall, has brown hair and blue eyes. He has a slight Australian accent. Carries him self with a sarcastic humor, a cunning personality and he is Charming. His family was killed by a serial killer named Ticking Tom.
.

DAVID PARKER: An attractive man early thirties. He is the tallest man on the team, about 6’4 he has blond hair. He is classy, modest, and is adventurous. He is clean cut and wears a suit, old money. He is very righteous and try’s to do the right thing.

JULIAN SCOTT: A clean cut man in his early twenties. He has brown hair and he is medium height. He is easily flustered and very knowledgeable. The guys on the team pick on him, but he doesn’t let it bother him. He is fun loving and loves to impress his boss.

WILLIAM COOPER: The youngest man on the team he is Italian. He is tall and gangly and has brown hair stubble on his chin. He is charming, aloof, caring and humorous. The is the class act on the team and doesn’t take his job to seriously.

SOPHIA DUNCAN: A woman in her late twenties, long blond hair. She is quite, reserved, smart and witty. She is well liked by the team and Fletcher makes fun of her most. She dresses fashionably but professionally.

Teaser
Washington Criminal Intelligence Unit. WCIU. Head office. Based in DC. Morning, 8:45 AM.

Parker
“Where is he?”
Camera pans around a group of people standing in a hallway. The hallway is dimly lit. None look to happy.

Cooper
“Forty Five minuets late on the first day. Can’t be a good sign.”

Duncan
“Maybe he forgot.”

Parker
“I’m leaving if he is not here in 10 minuets.”

Cooper digs in his pocket for his phone.
“Does anyone have his number?”

They all shake their heads no.

Cooper
“I heard he’s like, really old… maybe that’s why he is late.”

Scott looks doubtfully at Cooper.
“He is not a dinosaur.”

Parker
“Have you ever met him?”

Scotts face is an obvious no. He looks worried.
“No, Have you?”

Parker frowns.
“This could be bad.”
The team stands quietly.

Suddenly a man comes striding calmly down the hallway. His brown hair is cut short and bright blue eyes dance down the hallway, he’s tall and carries himself proudly. He flashes a smile at the team when he gets near.

Fletcher
“What did I miss?”

Parker not realizing that his boss is standing in front of him.
“Nothing. The old man isn’t here yet.”

Fletcher
“On the contrary, He is standing right in front of you.”

Fletcher has dark blue jeans on, and a black stylish trench coat. He continues to stare at David Parker… waiting.
Cooper speaks first.
“You’re late.”

Fletcher Sarcastic
“Maybe you’re early.”
Cooper pulls his eyebrows together. Fletcher grabs the metal
door knob next to him and goes to open it.

Scott.
“Actually. My clock says you are exactly Fifty one minuets late.”
He adjusts his wrist watch and looks proud of him self.

Fletcher turns around and gives him an odd look.

Fletcher.
“May I see it?”
He holds out his hand, and Scott gives it to him.
He turns over the electronic watch in his hands, looking at it carefully.

Scott
“It cost me a fortune! Not only can it tell time, it is a recorder, stop watch, and a compass.”

Fletcher
“Wow, mine doesn’t even work.”
Doesn’t offer further explanation.

Fletcher opens the door next to him and steps inside. The team follows him inside; a metal table is inside with five chairs around it is positioned in the middle of the room. The room is painted black with no windows but the two way glass. In the corner of the room a small desk with a wheelie chair, is pushed up against the wall. On the desk is a large stack of papers and small models of luxury cars.

The team takes their places and stare up at James Fletcher.

Fletcher
“So, what do you know about me?”

Silence.

Fletcher off their looks.
“What do you want to know about me?”

Parker
“Where did you graduate University?”

Fletcher
“I haven’t.”

Parker
“You’re joking.”

Fletcher Sarcastic. Looks slightly hurt.
“I don’t find it a particularly funny matter. Who happens to be the boss?”
He sits down in the wheelie chair.
“Next question.”
Wheels around the table smiling.

Duncan
“How does a man like your self, get to be the leading expert in interrogating criminals, with no education?”

Fletcher
“It’s a long story Blondie.” He smiles charmingly at her. She frowns back at him.
He scoots beside Cooper.
“Your turn.”

Cooper
“Why were you late today?”

Fletcher
“My clocks don’t work.”

Cooper
“Why not?”

Fletcher frowns slightly.
“Long story.”
(What do you think?)

Tell me what you think of my story! 10 points easy!!!?

im 14 what do you think? critisims always welcome! this is for a tv show!
Character profiles.
JAMES FLETCHER: The leader of the team. He is a good looking man mid thirties. He is tall, has brown hair and blue eyes. He has a slight Australian accent. Carries him self with a sarcastic humor, a cunning personality. His family was killed by a serial killer named Ticking Tom.

DAVID PARKER: An attractive man early thirties. He is the tallest man on the team, about 6’4 he has blond hair. He is classy, modest, and is adventurous. He is clean cut and wears a suit, old money. He is very righteous and try’s to do the right thing.

JULIAN SCOTT: A clean cut man in his early twenties. He has brown hair and he is medium height. He is easily flustered and very knowledgeable. The guys on the team pick on him, but he doesn’t let it bother him. He is fun loving and loves to impress his boss.

WILLIAM COOPER: The youngest man on the team he is Italian. He is tall and gangly and has brown hair stubble on his chin. He is charming, aloof, caring and humorous. The is the class act on the team and doesn’t take his job to seriously.

SOPHIA DUNCAN: A woman in her late twenties, long blond hair. She is quite, reserved, smart and witty. She is well liked by the team and Fletcher makes fun of her most. She dresses fashionably but professionally.

Teaser
Washington Criminal Intelligence Unit. WCIU. Head office. Based in DC. 8:45 AM.

INT- HALLWAY- DAY

IN BLACK:
We hear the faint rapping of fingers.

We fade in. The camera pans around a group of people standing in a hallway. The hallway is dimly lit. None look to happy.

PARKER
“Where is he?”

COOPER
“Forty Five minuets late on the first day. Can’t be a good sign.”

RAP RAP RAP.

DUNCAN
(Whom is sitting on floor)
“Maybe he forgot.”

PARKER
“I’m leaving if he is not here in 10 minuets.”

COOPER
“Does anyone have his number?”

They all shake their heads no.

COOPER
“I heard he’s like, really old… maybe that’s why he is late.”

SCOTT
“He is not a dinosaur.”

PARKER
“Have you ever met him?”

SCOTT
“No, Have you?”

PARKER
(Frowning)
“This could be bad.”
The team stands quietly.

Suddenly a man comes striding calmly down the hallway. His brown hair is cut short and bright blue eyes dance down the hallway, he’s tall and carries himself proudly. He flashes a smile at the team when he gets near. He is a man, whom you will look twice.

FLETCHER
(Still smiling)
“What did I miss?”

PARKER
(Not realizing that his boss is standing in front of him)
“Nothing. The old man isn’t here yet.”

FLETCHER
“On the contrary, He is standing right in front of you.”

PARKER
“Opps.”
COOPER
(To Fletcher)
“You’re late.”

FLETCHER
(Sarcastic)
“Maybe you’re early.”

Cooper pulls his eyebrows together. Fletcher grabs the metal door knob next to him and goes to open it.

SCOTT
“Actually. My clock says you are exactly Fifty one minuets late.”

FLETCHER
“May I see it?”
He holds out his hand, and Scott gives it to him. He turns over the electronic watch in his hands, looking at it carefully.

SCOTT
“It cost me a fortune! Not only can it tell time, it is a recorder, stop watch, and a compass.”

FLETCHER
“Wow, mine doesn’t even work.”
Doesn’t offer further explanation.

Fletcher opens the door next to him and steps inside. The team follows him inside; a metal table is inside with five chairs around it is positioned in the middle of the room. The room is painted black with no windows but the two way glass. In the corner of the room a small desk with a wheelie chair, is pushed up against the wall. On the desk is a large stack of papers and small models of luxury cars.

The team takes their places and stare up at James Fletcher.

FLETCHER
“So, what do you know about me?”

Silence.
FLETCHER
(Cont’d)
“What do you want to know about me?”

PARKER
“Where did you graduate University?”

FLETCHER
“I haven’t.”

PARKER
“You’re joking.”

FLETCHER
“I don’t find it a particularly funny matter. Who happens to be the boss?”
He sits down in the wheelie chair.
“Next question.”
Wheels around the table smiling.

DUNCAN
“How does a man like your self, get to be the leading expert in interrogating criminals, with no education?”

FLETCHER
“It’s a long story.”
He smiles charmingly at her. She frowns back at him.
He scoots beside Cooper. (Cont’d)
“Your turn.”

COOPER
“Why were you late today?”

FLETCHER
“My clocks don’t work.”

COOPER
“Why not?”

FLETCHER
“Long story.”
He scoots around the table.
“You guys ask all the hard questions!”

DUNCAN
“Not really.”

FLETCHER
“My turn to ask the questions.”
Fletcher stands up from the chair and pushes it over to the desk.

“Why do you think I hired you guys out of all the people that wanted the job?”

DUNCAN
“We are better qualified?”

Fletcher
“No, You all are imperfect. No matter how perfect you appear on the outside, you all know w

What do you think of my story? Please Help!!!?

Im 14. This is for a tv criminal drama. What do you think! critisism welcome!

JAMES FLETCHER: The leader of the team. He is a good looking man mid thirties. He is tall, has brown hair and blue eyes. He has a slight Australian accent. Carries him self with a sarcastic humor, a cunning personality. His family was killed by a serial killer named Ticking Tom.

DAVID PARKER: An attractive man early thirties. He is the tallest man on the team, about 6’4 he has blond hair. He is classy, modest, and is adventurous. He is clean cut and wears a suit, old money. He is very righteous and try’s to do the right thing.

JULIAN SCOTT: A clean cut man in his early twenties. He has brown hair and he is medium height. He is easily flustered and very knowledgeable. The guys on the team pick on him, but he doesn’t let it bother him. He is fun loving and loves to impress his boss.

WILLIAM COOPER: The youngest man on the team he is Italian. He is tall and gangly and has brown hair stubble on his chin. He is charming, aloof, caring and humorous. The is the class act on the team and doesn’t take his job to seriously.

SOPHIA DUNCAN: A woman in her late twenties, long blond hair. She is quite, reserved, smart and witty. She is well liked by the team and Fletcher makes fun of her most. She dresses fashionably but professionally.

Teaser
Washington Criminal Intelligence Unit. WCIU. Head office. Based in DC. 8:45 AM.

INT- HALLWAY- DAY

IN BLACK:
We hear the faint rapping of fingers.

We fade in. The camera pans around a group of people standing in a hallway. The hallway is dimly lit. None look to happy.

PARKER
“Where is he?”

COOPER
“Forty Five minuets late on the first day. Can’t be a good sign.”

RAP RAP RAP.

DUNCAN
(Whom is sitting on floor)
“Maybe he forgot.”

PARKER
“I’m leaving if he is not here in 10 minuets.”

COOPER
“Does anyone have his number?”

They all shake their heads no.

COOPER
“I heard he’s like, really old… maybe that’s why he is late.”

SCOTT
“He is not a dinosaur.”

PARKER
“Have you ever met him?”

SCOTT
“No, Have you?”

PARKER
(Frowning)
“This could be bad.”
The team stands quietly.

Suddenly a man comes striding calmly down the hallway. His brown hair is cut short and bright blue eyes dance down the hallway, he’s tall and carries himself proudly. He flashes a smile at the team when he gets near. He is a man, whom you will look twice.

FLETCHER
(Still smiling)
“What did I miss?”

PARKER
(Not realizing that his boss is standing in front of him)
“Nothing. The old man isn’t here yet.”

FLETCHER
“On the contrary, He is standing right in front of you.”

PARKER
“Opps.”
COOPER
(To Fletcher)
“You’re late.”

FLETCHER
(Sarcastic)
“Maybe you’re early.”

Cooper pulls his eyebrows together. Fletcher grabs the metal door knob next to him and goes to open it.

SCOTT
“Actually. My clock says you are exactly Fifty one minuets late.”

FLETCHER
“May I see it?”
He holds out his hand, and Scott gives it to him. He turns over the electronic watch in his hands, looking at it carefully.

SCOTT
“It cost me a fortune! Not only can it tell time, it is a recorder, stop watch, and a compass.”

FLETCHER
“Wow, mine doesn’t even work.”
Doesn’t offer further explanation.

Fletcher opens the door next to him and steps inside. The team follows him inside; a metal table is inside with five chairs around it is positioned in the middle of the room. The room is painted black with no windows but the two way glass. In the corner of the room a small desk with a wheelie chair, is pushed up against the wall. On the desk is a large stack of papers and small models of luxury cars.

The team takes their places and stare up at James Fletcher.

FLETCHER
“So, what do you know about me?”

Silence.
FLETCHER
(Cont’d)
“What do you want to know about me?”

PARKER
“Where did you graduate University?”

FLETCHER
“I haven’t.”

PARKER
“You’re joking.”

FLETCHER
“I don’t find it a particularly funny matter. Who happens to be the boss?”
He sits down in the wheelie chair.
“Next question.”
Wheels around the table smiling.

DUNCAN
“How does a man like your self, get to be the leading expert in interrogating criminals, with no education?”

FLETCHER
“It’s a long story.”
He smiles charmingly at her. She frowns back at him.
He scoots beside Cooper. (Cont’d)
“Your turn.”

COOPER
“Why were you late today?”

FLETCHER
“My clocks don’t work.”

COOPER
“Why not?”

FLETCHER
“Long story.”
He scoots around the table.
“You guys ask all the hard questions!”

DUNCAN
“Not really.”

FLETCHER
“My turn to ask the questions.”
Fletcher stands up from the chair and pushes it over to the desk.

“Why do you think I hired you guys out of all the people that wanted the job?”

DUNCAN
“We are better qualified?”

Fletcher
“No, You all are imperfect. No matter how perfect you appear on the outside, you all know what it is like

What do you think! Please tell me! 10 points best answer!?

I’m 14 years old, what do you think> PLease do not steal! I wrote this TV script!
CHARACTER PROFILES
AGENT GEORGE ZANO: The FBI Mob and Gang Unit Boss. He is the FBI representative for WCIU. He is in his late forties and has graying brown hair. He is in good shape and has a tall build.

JAMES FLETCHER: The leader of the team. He is a good looking man mid thirties. He is tall, has brown hair and blue eyes. He has a slight Australian accent. Carries him self with a sarcastic humor, a cunning personality and he is Charming. His family was killed by a serial killer named Ticking Tom.

DAVID PARKER: An attractive man early thirties. He is the tallest man on the team, about 6’4 he has blond hair. He is classy, modest, and is adventurous. He is clean cut and wears a suit, old money. He is very righteous and try’s to do the right thing.

JULIAN SCOTT: A clean cut man in his early twenties. He has brown hair and he is medium height. He is easily flustered and very knowledgeable. The guys on the team pick on him, but he doesn’t let it bother him. He is fun loving and loves to impress his boss.

WILLIAM COOPER: The youngest man on the team he is Italian. He is tall and gangly and has brown hair stubble on his chin. He is charming, aloof, caring and humorous. The is the class act on the team and doesn’t take his job to seriously.

SOPHIA DUNCAN: A woman in her late twenties, long blond hair. She is quite, reserved, smart and witty. She is well liked by the team and Fletcher makes fun of her most. She dresses fashionably but professionally.

Teaser
Washington Criminal Intelligence Unit. WCIU. Head office. Based in DC. 8:45 AM.

INT- HALLWAY- DAY
IN BLACK:
We hear the faint rapping of fingers.

We fade in. The camera pans around a group of people standing in a hallway. The hallway is dimly lit. None look to happy.
PARKER
“Where is he?”

COOPER
“Forty Five minuets late on the first day. Can’t be a good sign.”

RAP RAP RAP.
DUNCAN
(Whom is sitting on floor)
“Maybe he forgot.”

PARKER
“I’m leaving if he is not here in 10 minuets.”

COOPER
“Does anyone have his number?”
They all shake their heads no.

COOPER
“I heard he’s like, really old… maybe that’s why he is late.”

SCOTT
“He is not a dinosaur.”

PARKER
“Have you ever met him?”

SCOTT
“No, Have you?”

PARKER
(Frowning)
“This could be bad.”
The team stands quietly.

Suddenly a man comes striding calmly down the hallway. His brown hair is cut short and bright blue eyes dance down the hallway, he’s tall and carries himself proudly. He flashes a smile at the team when he gets near.

FLETCHER
“What did I miss?”

PARKER
(Not realizing that his boss is standing in front of him)
“Nothing. The old man isn’t here yet.”

FLETCHER
“On the contrary, He is standing right in front of you.”

PARKER
“Opps.”
COOPER
(To Fletcher)
“You’re late.”

FLETCHER
(Sarcastic)
“Maybe you’re early.”

Cooper pulls his eyebrows together. Fletcher grabs the metal door knob next to him and goes to open it.

SCOTT
“Actually. My clock says you are exactly Fifty one minuets late.”

FLETCHER
“May I see it?”
He holds out his hand, and Scott gives it to him. He turns over the electronic watch in his hands, looking at it carefully.

SCOTT
“It cost me a fortune! Not only can it tell time, it is a recorder, stop watch, and a compass.”

FLETCHER
“Wow, mine doesn’t even work.”
Doesn’t offer further explanation.

Fletcher opens the door next to him and steps inside. The team follows him inside; a metal table is inside with five chairs around it is positioned in the middle of the room. The room is painted black with no windows but the two way glass. In the corner of the room a small desk with a wheelie chair, is pushed up against the wall. On the desk is a large stack of papers and small models of luxury cars.

The team takes their places and stare up at James Fletcher.

FLETCHER
“So, what do you know about me?”

Silence.
FLETCHER
(Cont’d)
“What do you want to know about me?”

PARKER
“Where did you graduate University?”

FLETCHER
“I haven’t.”

PARKER
“You’re joking.”

FLETCHER
“I don’t find it a particularly funny matter. Who happens to be the boss?”
He sits down in the wheelie chair.
“Next question.”
Wheels around the table smiling.

DUNCAN
“How does a man like your self, get to be the leading expert in interrogating criminals, with no education?”

FLETCHER
“It’s a long story.”
He smiles charmingly at her. She frowns back at him.
He scoots beside Cooper. (Cont’d)
“Your turn.”

COOPER
“Why were you late today?”

FLETCHER
“My clocks don’t work.”

COOPER
“Why not?”

FLETCHER
“Long story.”
it is for a tv show. not you tube.